Same same (but different)

My copy of the South-East Asia Lonely Planet is sorely lacking photos. Actually it's sorely lacking pages, too, since Sonia cut out and discarded most of them to make bag-room for airport kipple-purchases such as a tiled handbag. Before they went, I did see a small black and white image of Halong Bay and decided we had to go there. Vietnamese fish farmers with triangle-hats paddling rustic boats silhouetted against steep limestone outcrops at sunset beckoned.

Another day, another tour. Despite my resolution never to join the ranks of the organised coach-trip after the Bangkok day-trip experience, Sonia persuaded me that a "3 day, 2 night" tour was the best way to see what Vietnam proffers as "one of the great natural wonders of Asia."

It was average. It was actually 2 days, 2 nights, as the "third day" merely involved driving back to Hanoi. The light was rubbish so photographic opportunities were limited. The first evening featured one of the weakest sunsets I've ever seen, and the second night's sunset would have made for some average photos if we hadn't been behind schedule, stuck on an island with a mad kayak guide, being attacked by rabid monkeys, whilst my camera languished on the main boat.

Kayaking sucks pretty badly. Unlike rowing, which is quite rewarding at the same time as being tiring, Kayaking is simply tiring and irritating. You don't get the opportunity to get out of breath - repetitive strain injury sets in first as you flap the little paddles around to hardly any effect. We paddled about 14 kilometres, accompanied by the tone-deaf singing of our vietnamese guide, to a place called Monkey Island, where (surprise surprise) there are some monkeys. One eyed us viciously after it had finished pulling the legs off a gecko and putting it back on the ground to see if it could still walk. I was convinced it was evil, and probably had rabies. It decided to attack Sonia.

We did have some excellent food, met some interesting people, and saw quite a nice cave, but overall Halong Bay was a bit of a disappointment for me compared to similar scenery in Krabbi (Thailand) and Coron Bay (Philippines).

As our fellow tour-groupers in Halong Bay were all civilised Europeans and Americans, we needed to subject ourselves to some up-close and personal South-East Asian culture. So we booked ourselves a 14 hour overnight train journey aboard the Reunification Express from Hanoi to Danang. After a slightly confusing bit of shuffling (the hotel had booked Sonia and I beds in different cabins) we ended up in a 4-berth cabin with a Vietnamese family. Sonia feared the worst for our night's sleep when she saw the five-month old baby. Actually he was the most well-behaved baby I've ever seen. Perhaps he was deaf, as he didn't even start crying when piercing Vietnamese opera started blaring from speakers all over the train at 6am. Very good child. Pity the father snored like an Elephant with bird flu, though.

As is usual in the region, when we arrived at our destination some little men rushed up and stole our bags. We've learned that instead of calling the police, the easiest thing to do is just follow these guys and pay them lots of money to take you to your hotel in their taxi. So we quickly exited Danang and arrived in Hoi An, where the light was still rubbish. Apparently there is a beach but we didn't much fancy it in the rain, so the only entertainment was getting another crap suit made and going back for 6 fittings. Tailored suits in Asia are like bargain wine in France - a false economy. It seems appealing until you've thrown away your 15th bottle of crap plonk and wished you'd just paid an extra two quid for some decent stuff at Tescos.